Catch Your Cheating Husband Using a Spy Phone.

Should I Spy?

By Dr. Robert Huizenga
If you are a spouse who suspects your partner might be having an affair, wants to find out if he/she is telling the truth or has a need to discover details of the affair, this article is for you.

The desire, sometime a fairly strong desire to spy or find out exactly what is happening between your partner and the other person, is commonly very strong, especially at disclosure of the affair or prior to that when you sense that something is off kilter.

7 Legitimate Motives for Spying
1. Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner. Perhaps you confronted him/her and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn’t fit! I don’t believe it!

To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil.

If the truth as you suspect it is confirmed, you can take a deep breath and at least know that you can trust yourself. You are NOT CRAZY!

Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions and trust more fully your gut feelings.

2. Spying may help you feel connected to your partner who seems to be steadily moving away from you.It is a way of maintaining contact and have some sort of connection to this stranger who once was well known.

Isn’t it like the game of hide-and-seek we used to play as children? Sometimes there, sometimes gone. At least it is a game, and a game is at least some contact, some involvement. You miss the connection and try to find someway to maintain the ties.

3. Spying may be an honest attempt to bring resolution to the relationship. You want to know the truth. You sense something does not fit. You suspect there is a breach of something. You want to know what you are up against. You are not willing to stand pat and wait.

You are a person of action. You want some sort of movement. You want to get on with the relationship. You want to get on with your life.

You know that it is difficult maintaining your sanity when there might be this huge elephant that no one is talking about. You want to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free.

4. If you suspect that this behavior might be the end of the relationship, you want to protect yourself legally.

If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other forms of deception may exist financially or in other areas of the relationship. Having “evidence” does have some impact in some court systems.

Whether you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing you and the character of your spouse. Please read through my “7 Reasons For an Affair” to determine the situation that faces you. If your spouse is someone who can’t say no, doesn’t want to say no or is acting out rage, please make sure to take protective steps.

5. You want to protect yourself medically. You might be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. Your health may be at stake. And, of course, you need to know.

Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship.

6. Secrets are work! There is not much written about the impact of a secret in a relationship, but believe me, in over two decades of working with strained relationships day in and day out, keeping a secret has a powerful impact.

It is the proverbial elephant sitting in the room that no one dare talk about. People take extraordinary measures to tip toe around it, but it IS there. Emotionally, you can’t miss it.

Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become physically ill, sometimes seriously so. People become depressed. People start doing crazy things.

Children start acting out, stop achieving, become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the next generation, often carry the emotional load.

You want to spy because you don’t want to live with a secret. You want to discover the truth. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive life.

7. Some of us like drama. Soap opera scenarios and adrenaline based lives are a hallmark of our society. We get juiced or pumped up entering into emotional relational triangles that offer intrigue.

Without adrenaline, life seems boring or mundane. Perhaps an unspoken reason for an affair may be to fan the fire? Or, you may spy to keep the sense of being alive a part of your life.

Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the person involved in the affair cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.

Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me? On and on.

Usually the person having the affair does not see or will not admit the duplicity of his/her clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover thetruth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about an affair borders close to sanity.

Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.

The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The affair broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.

Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

Are You Ready to Handle What You Might Find?

Have you considered the many situations that spying might uncover? Can you imagine the worst thing you might find? Predict what your response will be to the worst-case scenario. Are you ready? Here are some specific questions to ask yourself:

1) Do I have friends I can count on for support if I discover the worst? Do they know I might need them? Have I told them exactly how they might help me? Do I have the capacity to stand back from the deep emotions and not get mired or lost in destructive thoughts and feelings?

2) How have I handled emotional pain in the past? What if it gets almost unbearable? If I encounter the worst possible emotional hurt and pain, do I have a therapist I can contact immediately and see soon to help me through the rough sports?

3) What will be my strategy for what I find? Do I have a strategy for the different scenarios? Do I have a strategy to confront or not confront my spouse? How, when and under what circumstances will I confront him/her?

4) What kind of strategy will I have for self-care? What will I need to do to keep myself functioning somewhat effectively?

5) Do I have a coach or an objective someone who can help me develop strategies and goals for confrontation and self-care and keep me focused and working on these strategies and goals?

6) Do I know what kind of affair I might face? Do I know the prognosis for that kind of affair? Have I educated myself about affairs and what I must do to effectively resolve and move through this crisis?

Spying is Not Revenge

Do not use what you find as ammunition for revenge. Sure, you may have wonderfully violent fantasies of what you would really like to do to him/her and the other person. This is very normal. But, don’t act them out.

Using what you find to extract revenge will only lengthen the time of pain and anger. It will undermine your integrity as a person, lower your personal standards and make you exceedingly unattractive.

Resist the temptation to sling the mud!

Keep what you find to yourself.

You spy because the truth will set YOU free. The quickest cleanest way to break free from the affair is to set your focus on you as you navigate your way through the difficult weeks and months.

The sooner the two of you can face each other, without outside input or influence, the better of you and the relationship will be.

There usually is no reason to share new found information with family, friends, children or the spouse of the other person. A concern about sexually transmitted diseases or health risks might be an exception. If it is important to share such information, do so without much fanfare or drama.

And of course, if you pursue legal action, any information obtained through spying is sometimes might be helpful to your attorney. Some “evidence” does carry weight in particular states or districts.

http://tapcellphone.com

Is your boss watching you at work via your office-issued electronic device? Probably. And is that legal? Yep!

Last week, New York City School Chancellor Joel Klein fired John Halpin, a construction supervisor who has worked for the Department of Education for 21 years, for repeatedly leaving work early. (Ironically, it turns out that he did show up early for work quite frequently. Maybe he needed a new schedule?)

Administrative Law Judge Tynia Richard found him guilty of giving false time records, the evidence showing that he left work early as many as 83 times(!) between March 2 and August 9, 2006. “This individual was getting paid for not working,” schools spokeswoman Margie Feinberg told The New York Post.

Where did the proof come from? The employee’s cell phone. It turns out that the company-issued cell phone contained a Global Positioning System (GPS) tracking device. It was also noted that Halpin’s time cards always appeared to be stamped from the same machine, though he was expected to work in different locations each day.

Halpin claims that he was never informed that the cell phone would monitor his movement when he accepted it in 2005. Does he have a case? Not really. Judge Richard stressed that the Department of Education didn’t need “to notify its employees of all the methods it may possibly use to uncover their misconduct.”

Frankly, I’m not surprised. You accept a cell phone from your employer and you’re shocked that it might be used to track you through global positioning technology? Please, I don’t think so. The guy was cheating. His employer found out using a perk they gave to him.

It seems like no reasonable expectation of privacy exists in the workplace, especially on employer-owned equipment like computers and phones. According to a November 12, 2006 Chicago Sun-Times article, GPS is used by eight percent of companies to track vehicles, but is starting to find use monitoring office workers. As it turns out, only two states — Connecticut and Delaware — require employees to be notified that GPS devices are being used to monitor their activities.

“To a certain degree, as long as it’s the employer’s tools you’re using, the employer rules,” Leslie Ann Reis, a workplace privacy expert at John Marshall Law School, told the Chicago Sun-Times.

In a 2005 survey of 526 companies by the American Management Association, three out of four companies admitted to monitoring the Web activities of its employees, half the companies admitted to reviewing their computer files and monitoring phone numbers dialed, and half admitted to using video monitoring, up from only 33 percent four years ago. By 2010, the video surveillance technology will be an $8.64 billion business, according to the research company Frost & Sullivan.

But is this all being done in secret? Not really. The American Management/ePolicy Institute says that 80 percent of employers using monitoring devices notify their workers that their for computer content, keystrokes and keyboard time will be recorded; 82 percent notify them that computer files are reviewed; 86 percent notify them that e-email is being watched; and 89 percent tell them that Internet visits are monitored.

And how much further will it go? Think biometrics, where minuscule radio frequency identification (RFID) chips, the size of a grain of rice, will be inserted under your skin, allowing an employer to track your fingerprints and voice pattern. And for now, anything and everything you do on your employer’s computer could be used against you.

“The computer system is the property of the employer and as such the employer has the right to monitor Internet activity and email,” Nancy Flynn, executive director of the ePolicy Institute of Columbus, Ohio, told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in a March 12, 2006 article by Patricia Kitchen. “Employees should have no reasonable expectation to privacy.”

There is very little law regarding electronic employee monitoring, and the law that does exist is unsettled. The U.S. Constitution, state constitutions, federal and state statutes do not provide much guidance on privacy rights in the workplace, especially in the private sector.

The main statutory law in this field is the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986, which “prohibits the intentional or willful interception, accession, disclosure or use of one’s electronic communication,” but it has a lot of exceptions when it comes to employee monitoring. Because the law is really just an amendment to the federal wiretapping law, it will rarely protect employees.

So why exactly are employers resorting to these measures? Ask and you’ll get a long list of reasons: to track down sexual harassment cases, accidents, violence, criminal activity and employee laziness. And in lawsuits, employers are resorting more often to electronic evidence.

At the time I’m writing this, a group of cab drivers in New York have haphazardly gone on strike to protest the addition of GPS devices to their cars, allowing the taxi commission to monitor where they are at all times. The technology will put video screens in the back of cars, allowing riders to watch their route or even television, and text-messaging devices in the front, allowing drivers to contact the commission for directions. Clearly, this technology is spreading.

Bottom Line:
1) surveillance cameras are everywhere — corporations, government buildings, schools, elevators
2) never take stuff from your employer (supplies and such)
3) remember that your employer can check out your emails (it’s their property after all!)
4) with blackberries, pagers, and instant messaging, it’s hard to take the “off” out of office!

http://tapcellphone.com

Just when you thought it was safe to walk by your co-workers’ cubicles without a blindfold, a new technological menace may be coming to a small screen near you. It took years for employer-employee etiquette to merge into manageable desktop rules regarding pornography and social Web sites. Now, “sexting” has arrived to threaten the workplace environment.

Too Much of Too Little

Speeding ever more quickly to a Blackberry or iPhone near you, accompanied by innocent chuckles:  well, you don’t really want to know.  And that’s the problem.  Too much of “too little,” as in the form of tiny but sexually explicit cell phone images and photos.  The screens may be small . . . but the pixels tell way too much of the story.

A recent story in the Workplace section of The Daily Oklahoman noted that a former waitress is suing a Hooters restaurant in Fort Lauderdale, claiming a manager used texting as a way to sexually harass her.  Well, you say  . . . that’s Hooters.  Right, and if sexual harassment were limited to places where skimpily dressed waitresses push hot wings, HR managers everywhere wouldn’t have big thick binders, training sessions and pending cases.

In the same story, a jeweler notes he handles all the potential “little device” problems by having his employees leave their cell phones in the car or the break room.  Maybe that works at a jewelry store where rings of a different sort are in order, but in most businesses, separation from cell phone is a death sentence.

False Sense of Security

Chris Pentella, in her blog, Workplace Diva, notes that sexting is recognized as a rapidly growing workplace problem in part because the technology gives users a false sense of security.  She quotes Shanti Atkins, CEO of ELT, Inc., a San Francisco firm that specializes in ethics and compliance training.

Atkins, whose firm is now offering sexual harassment training based on sexting, says it is “a huge, growing problem because the technologies are developing faster than companies can keep up.”

Mark Toth, chief legal officer for Manpower North America, says sexting is a real challenge for employers because they can’t yet monitor it, but can be held responsible for it.

“It has the potential to create significant legal risk as some employees appear to believe that texting is far more casual than e-mail or other forms of communication, employers can’t/don’t monitor it and, thus, the normal rules don’t apply — anything goes,” said Toth.

Time to Update the Manual

What’s a conscientious employer to do . . . short of confiscating phones at the door and proceeding backwards in the technology time tunnel?

Experts advise that HR managers, who are already updating their manuals to cover tweeting and instant messaging and social sites, include “sexting” as well, to eliminate loopholes like “that was just between my boyfriend and me . . . and no one else was supposed to see it.”  Oops.

Make sure employees know that texting and sexting both create a permanent record that could be used in a sexual harassment case.

You might be tempted to appeal to employees’ sense of virtue and love of Mom and apple pie, by asking them if Mom would really approve of sending nude photos or potentially misinterpreted “compliments”  over the phone.  Of course, you can’t always be sure of the answer to that one, so concrete and enforceable policies are probably a better plan.

Cell Phone Monitoring through the use of a Cell Phone Spy Software can prevent "sexting" in workplace by using Cell Phone Recording and Phone Monitoring Capabilities.